Hey gurl.

Long time no post.

Any whoo. Tonight is a debate and I am making Blueberry Buttercream Pro bama cupcakes.

Its for a party, it will be fun.

I started the book group! our first book is "At Swim Two Birds" its Irish and it sounds great.

Have I told you I need a job. Well now I am telling you, I need a job.

Making Space Facts comics so far is not payin them bills. so far.

But maybe those wool planets on strings will bring in the cash money.

The masses will not be able to resist. 

xoxo

perfection in a human

sometimes perfection happens.

i am not saying kurt cobain and cortney love are good parents, or even parents, but genetically they have a lot to offer and they made the perfect human.

Workin on a mix tape/ layin in a patch of sun on the floor

I have a square of sun to lay in the the music from old lovers and friends is filling the room.
Perfection.

Also I found this.

xoxo

Party time USA

I have been going to a lot of ragers lately. Starting myth my good friend Sidneys second birthday, it was a tea party, we watched Marry Poppins and brought the roof down. Then, lady's craft night, then last nights debate party.Part animal style, much like the french fry meal you can get from in&out.

Last nights Debate party was actually something like a real party. It started with my friend, a craft coctail enthusiast making me well balanced interesting challenging drinks, and ended up with me in the kitchen  making long island iced teas, but even worse. I laughed, I jumped up and down until I fell over, I chatted with strangers and caught up with friends, It was really fun. I didn't even cry at the TV! an all around win for me.

All these partys have had a theme for me, something that keeps coming up and I am reminded of, I'M YOUNG.
I have been going threw a bit of a freak out recently, I keep panicking because my life, work-wise isn't where I want it to be, and I cant exactly figure out where I want it to go. I am scared, but I need to stop shitting my pants, I am young, hella young, and freaking out about my future is okay and a bit predictable.

On another note, I have been baking like a lonely grandma!

Things I have made,
Donut muffins
chocolate chip cornmeal muffins
oatmeal cookies with milk chocolate chunks
curried pumpkin hummus like dip
chocolate cinnamon pear chips
and I have dough for cinnamon rolls rising as I type

The cinnamon rolls are a test batch because I am having a Cartoon Brunch at my house in a couple of weekends, I want to make a bunch of cinnamon rolls for everyone but I have never made them, so I am testing different recipes. yuuummmmm, I hope.


Life is scary but sugar and friend filled, so I guess its okay.

Oh also I have been doing the gym thing almost every day, so that makes all the sugar consumption okay right?

                                          Me high on sugar and butter and brown sugar. Just because.

                                                                             xoxo

Love Letters

Love Letters,


I have a love for love letters, not so much the getting them, not to say I don't love that, of course I do. My love for love letters is for making them, yes making, not just writing, I take love letters seriously and I think a bit more than just some words on paper is needed to really hit home ( if home is a a super creepy place you shouldn't really go).

My love for love letters started at a early age, like 4, I started with my mom, I would write these letters all the time, They would tell her how beautiful and amazing and funny she was, my spelling was off (my spelling is still off) but the effort and sentiment was there.

I would draw in these cards and always sign them with not only my name but a spirally heart thing, I had style (this spirally heart thing ended up being the first tattoo I got)


I would write love letters to my cousins and friends (never my sisters or brothers, they could suck it, jerks) then 4th grade hit, and with it came a soccer ball to my face.
yep.
really, like a real soccer ball, right in my face.
I was playing soccer in PE or something and while I was minding my own business, in the middle of the field a soccer ball make flying at me at what must have been no less than a million miles an hour.
It hit me, I flew on my back, my face turned bright red and swelled up. Its didn't really hurt so much, but I knew everyone had seen and i was trying to figure out how I could get as little attention from this as possible when,

Let me stop and tell you what you might already know by now, i was not a 'cool' kid, I was not popular and people really had so problem making fun of me for about anything, my name WAS A-man-duh and I dressed more like Kurt Cobain than a Spice Girl, I had no training bra and I read books when I was supposed to be 'playing' or something.

Okay back to me, on the ground in the middle of the field with a tingly tomato face. The whole class stopped and started to surround me, they were all starting in on the giggling and ooowwww's, then came Alex. Alex was the most handsome 4th grader you have ever seen, he had perfect hair and perfect shoes, his closes were always exactly right and everyone loved him. He was, the shit. He also was the one who kicked the soccer ball. Alex came rushing over, he moved threw the crowd of on lookers and knelt down next to me. I was expecting him to of course gawk at my face and freak out at how red i got, I had brothers and was used to getting hurt then getting laughed at for getting hurt, it was routine by now, I had a high pain tolerances and could throw a punch, which beet playing dress up any day. Okay back to Alex, leaning over me, he said, "oh my god are you okay? I'm so so sorry!" and the craziest part is, he meant it, I could see it in his face, he had no idea how much rough housing I could take and to top it off he was worried about me, oh man, the best kid in our class was caring all over me right in front of the rest of those suckers.

That was the day I decided Alex would be my next Love Letter target.

I started writing him anonymous letters almost every day. I would hide them some place in school like under a swing or behind a book and leave him a clue on the last letter where to find the next letter. I got really into it. I never really wanted to talk with him, he would ask me something in class and I would blow him off. It's not that I was scared or intimidated, I just wasn't that into talking with him, just writing to him. Eventually Alex found out it was me and told his older brother to tell my older brother to tell me to knock it off, or my older brother just made that up because he thought I was a freak, either way I stopped, but my love of love letters have never died. I have since had numerous relationships I just kept going for the letter writing.

I now even have a box of letters I have written to me.

But I wish I had a box of all the letters I wrote instead.

Xoxo

wish list.

My amazon wishlist has gone cray cray.

I have a ton of books, crafting shit, a scare board, a painting, a rug. 

I haven't been shopping because I'm broke so its all being dumped into my wish list. 

It just stairs at me every time I go on amazon, these are the things yo want but can't have.

Instead of thinking about that I am focusing on my running, preparing for the marathon. I have also been doing a lot of baking. I will post recipes soooon. 

Also I am trying even harder to get a book club going. I am really excited about the idea of having a group of other readers in my life. 

Talk soon 

Xoxo

Storms and Naps.

The weather outside right now is really magical. There is a huge storm coming and its warm and muggy but with a slight crisp chill sneaking up on you. Its dim outside,  the clouds are now blocking out the whole sky. Huge gray fluffy ominous clouds filing the sky, high and low. I am in love.

So I took a nap on the stairs when I came in from walking the Cowdog and visiting a friend.

I think if you are going to take a nap it should be such an immediate necessity that you take it wherever you may be, this was the stairs for me today but has often been the floor in my office or the porch. Just be mindful of mosquitoes.

I am going to take this wonderful weather and treat her right. I am going to snuggle the Cowdog on the couch while watching Downton Abbey, look at my amazing book I just got in the mail, its a book that teaches you Hawaii's Pidgin, a slang language, with pictures, I found it when I was 13 and in Hawaii with the fam, it was a really important book in my formative years. Rambling.

Oh yeah I'm also going to make myself a new tote with this rad fabric I got.

Fun times start now.

sorry its backwards, but at least the dude is still havin a good time

                                                                              cowdog

                                                                     fabric for new bag.... woot

 xoxo            

Donut=the original super food.

Donut time.All the time.

Old wallet New wallet

I had this HOBO wallet I got about four years ago, I loved it and it was my standard wallet for a couple of years, but it was forced into retirement because it has powerful magnets that keep it shut, this magnent also has a habit of demagnetizing BART cards and hotel keys. Not fun. So it got pushed to the back of the closet, then packed up. 

Now that I am in Austin I don't have to worry about BART cards and there are no hotels in my near future, so I can revive the HOBO. The only problem is I'm not really into the pale blue anymore, and it seems to have gotten some stains on it I cant get out. 

So its time to play.

First I got out some old Manic panic hair dye and died the little mirror attached to it. Now it has a hint of purple. Then I painted the outside with glitter and adhesive, I let that dry for a day. THEN I got out the black oil paint and painted the outside. Some of the glitter comes threw and it looks like space mixed with a 17Th century painting. I love it. 

I really tried to add a lot of texture with the oil paint, letting it dry a little then adding more, and just being really sloppy with the application. 

So far the paint had stayed on perfectly, but if it ever does come of it will be really easy to touch up, also I am kind of looking forward to some cracking in the paint, then the glittery blue will peak threw and it will look even more like old space.

I still might do something to the fabric inside but I don't know what yet.

Sightly purple mirror. 

It felt a little scary completely changing this wallet, I don't know if this is because I loved it for so long or if it was because it was a 'nice' wallet. Either way I am of course happy I did what I did. Change is good. 

xoxo

Traveling

I thrive on change and challenges, getting to know a new space, learning from it, letting it change me, falling in love with it, then finding a new space. Maybe I live in these spaces for 6 months, maybe I live there for years. I wont like every place I live, some places will make me miserably even, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have lived there.

I want to see as much as I can in this life, and I think living in as many different places is the way to do that.. I like vacations just fine but you don't really get to know a place from a vacation, its more of an escape, escaping is fine, I am a fan, but escaping is not what I crave, its not what keeps me up at night and fuels my body. Escaping doesn't give me energy or stimulate me. Traveling, living in as many different place as I can is what keeps me going. Its what makes me want to live, and live forever.

I want to learn the little details. I want to find the hidden treasures of a place and live inside them. I want to meet the people, fall in love with them. I want to eat the food and drink the drinks. Dance and party. I want to read books outside, on the beach, in the woods, on a cliff in a mountain, or snuggled against a window on a cold day.

I want the place I live to make me cry but also feel like a blanket. I want to be comfortable because I remember what it was like to feel alone and exposed.

I want to know me. As much of me as I can.

xoxo

Style: Lana Del Ray

I'm not sure if there is a sexier woman in the public eye right now. I may change my mind on this and remember some one else.. but I don't know.

I mean come on.

I admittedly have a strong thing for red heads.

She recently did put out a collection with H&M. Its cute and cheep. True H&M. I am having my sister send me some leggings and a top from SF H&M but soon I wont have to bribe my Cali loved ones. Austin seems to be gettin.g our own H&M in the Domain.

About time. i wonder how packed it will be that first day. Will they sell out of everything?

I'm not a fan of the domain but I will have to push threw all the tan blondes in those small running shorts to get me some cheep designer knock offs of my very own! -sounded bitchy. meant it to be more excited than bitchy. But really why do those girls ALL have those running shorts on ALL the time? Its strange right? 

Glossy Glossy

I am the kind of person who gets magazines in the mail.

When i was living in NY, anticipating what it would be like to come back to Austin, I worried. Rightfully so, I  knew it would be hard to leave the public transportation, millions of good coffee shops, cute stores, storms, but i knew, above all I would miss the people, the millions of people, dressed up and walking around with purpose. I do miss those people.. a lot. I miss being able to see a easy dozen people every time you look up, no matter where you are, who put effort into there outfits and took chances.

So I was trying to think of a good present I could give my future self. my land locked heavily freckled self. I wanted to get me The Times, delivered to my house every day. This would be good, I would feel like I was still in the know, but also be happy I actually had the time to read the whole thing, even all that amazing Sunday stuff. But then i looked it up and found out I could not afford to get the times. It is actually more expensive to get a subscription than it is to just pick one up. FUCK.

Then I got a bunch of adds for those glossy woman's magazines. $5 bucks for a full year and it comes with a million other subscriptions for free! Really though those glossy magazines are almost free, you sign up for one and they give you a ton of others. So I did it. I think I got five or ten all together and didn't spend more than ten dollars. Crazy.

They started arriving last week. So far I have 2 issues of Harper's Bazaar, yes 2, Vanity Fair, W, Elle, and Marie Clair and I know I have more coming.

I have bought glossy magazines maybe twice in my life before this, not including Vogue that is, I went threw a  Vogue fad when I was 12. I am learning what the differences in them are, who they are written for, if they even have much writing, what the styles they prefer are. I am still figuring all this out, and also if I even want them around.

Before this impulse present to myself I have always had an aversion to these glossy things made 'for women'. When I was in High School I had a internship with a woman's whos daughter died of bulimia. This woman decided to take action, raising awareness of body image. She went from city to city giving talks on the media giving a girls and woman a unrealistic body image and then putting there worth in that image.

This woman would take tours of schools k-12 and give talks about body image, I edited short movies to go with these talks. I worked with her for a year, she would visit for a couple days every month and give me a new project and we would chat. I really loved her, she was so warm and so passionate but easy to talk to. She helped me realize how much girls and woman have to offer and how stunted we are. how little we are contributing and how much we are focused on image and the things we have. I loved clothes, and stuff, but I have always had my own style, and it had empowered me, not held me back. She helped me be comfortable with wanting to look good, but not look the same.

Important stuff.

So now I am older. I'm older and I have a stack of these magazines staring at me, and I am vulnerable. I'm at a time in my life where I feel a bit lost. I am in a city I don't love yet, and I left the career I thought I wanted to start something new.

Scary stuff.

Is having these magazines around going to corrupt me? Am I going to be able to take them for what I want, fun fashion porn? Are some of them going to surprise me in a good way? Am I going to end up giving them all away to a doctors office every month?

I don't know yet. But I will keep you updated.

Overload.

I'm flailing.

I am currently reading five books. Five. Its not okay.

Some people need to be reading multiple book at one time, they have one for the gym, one for before bed, one for the morning. Not me. I am a one book kinda gal (maybe two), so how did this happen!? It happened because I am both stressed, and bored at the same time.

I am not the best at handling stress if it is coming from multiple places for multiple reasons. And moving back to Austin has been tough on me. I am not sure exactly what I want to do here, I know I want to write,  but I also know that's not enough. I need something more structured. I do well with structure.

So I have made a few new rules (I don't like the word Goals, unless its in sports, it just seems so optional, like setting yourself up to not have to commit to them) to follow to get myself on track. To focus, and relax, both at the appropriate times.

In no particular order these are my rules.

Train!
I am starting to train for a half marathon that will happen in February. I have some time to train, but I have a good deal of work to do before I am ready to do all that running . I will need to stay focused starting now.
I have a fake knee and hip and femur from a motorcycle accident when I was younger so I need to really be prepared if i want to make it threw the marathon.
I am going to focus on mid-high speed running, not muscle training. I will also focus a lot on stretching and rolling my muscles out.


Book control!
I am limiting my book consumption to two at a time at most. For example, one of the books I am reading right now has a lot of personal accounts of  9/11, during, and the aftermath. I love reading this book but if I start reading before I go to sleep, I just wont go to sleep. It hits me hard. So another book for bedtime is needed. But that's the limit!


This blog!
I am going to post something five times a week. No more and no less. I need to be able to take days off and not have it add to my stress level. But I also need to keep up with the posting if I am going to kick internet ass.

I'm sure when I have these things down I will add some more, I love lists and do will with rules/ structure.
Wow, if only my 15 year old punk self could read that, I would have kicked my ass.



Austin is a good city and I need to make the effort to start loving it the way so many other rad people do. I will be here for a while and I need to feel like its my home. California and New York seem to be pulling me apart and I need to make it stop. Austin is my home. This is my life.


Thank you and I love you.

xoxo